Sunday, December 23, 2007

Something changed in my inner workings

Hi all. Something changed. Last Thursday I had very bad mood. It was a day after therapy session. I thought: it can't work, because it not addresses really important issues. My therapist just works on my brain to restore the lost functions. She doesn't work on my family situation, on my sex life, she didn't bother herself even to ask detailed questions on the important issues.

All these thoughts resulted in a kind of very depressed mood. Few hours later, it was event on my job, that did it even worse. I walked around in the city, after work, trying to calm myself. I called and met one of my friends, then I met second friend. We talked a lot, but I didn't calm down. Lately, at home, I just went to sleep, I felt so bad.

Next day, Friday I felt just OK, like nothing happened. We had closeness and sex with my wife, first time in 2 or 3 weeks. Then I did a lot of home work and repairs etc. Friday and Saturday I slept a lot.

Just today, Sunday, I realized what it was! This bad mood were withdrawal symptoms, but it passed without porn. I didn't want porn that day. The porn didn't even come to my mind that day.

Today I bought a beer, a smocked tune and the whole family watched DVD at evening. I sipped a beer, I gave sliced pieces of smocked tune to my kids and wife, everyone enjoyed. I don't even remember, when I last time enjoyed beer before! The porn replaced everything.

I don't know how it works, but I suppose it is because of therapy. Today was a great evening. Of course, the mind about porn came to me today's evening as well, but there were a lot of other good things around. I hope, it will continue at least as it goes now.

As I feel today, it is not about self-control, as I talked in my previous posts. It is about some inner change. I hope, it will continue.

Bioship_Pal, another fighting porn addict, found my blog and started his own here:, welcome aboard.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

I continue with therapist

Just short update: I continue with therapist. She will tell me her prognosis after 5-6 sessions. The method she uses is directed toward restoring brain functions. Will write more next time.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Treatment with therapist started today

Yes, it is started today. I will post how it goes. Next time is on the same day next week. I am too tired now to write. I will update in a few coming days. I feel that I am going to the right direction.