Interesting pattern. I feel so "good boy" because I write blog, share ideas, maybe help other people. On the top of these feelings grows some distorted logic that says me: "you are so good boy - you deserve some porn". Then I relapse.
So, it looks like blogging about porn addiction leads to more porn addiction !!??
I think that blogging is just another obsession. I will be happy to live my life completely without computer and Internet, but probably this is impossible.
I left my career in the computers field - it was destroyed by porn. I work now in "just job", low paying, but away from computer. I slowly develop my new art career of sculptor in my free time.
Blogging is the only connection to my "old career". Oh, and I need to check emails, because I receive info about exhibitions and lectures by email.
When I check email, I also read some other people blogs on our porn addiction network. Sometimes I respond, sometimes I write my own post.
I also have plans to build some good sophisticated site on porn addiction, with forum, to develop community, to put weekly scheduled chat room. To use my best knowledge and experience to build this place. But sometimes I ask myself - is it good or bad? Is it good for humankind? Is it good for me? Maybe this will continue to feed my porn addiction. Maybe it is better to stay away from the Internet.
But practically, I need the email on a weekly basis. And I like to read blogs and to write my own. Your comments please...
My next post will be about new techniques that I've learned, that helped me to stay more days without porn.
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2 comments:
That sounds like my husband's old mindset last time around when he was trying to recover. He relapsed because he was rewarding himself for good behavior. You aren't alone in that! I think that is VERY interesting.
I'm finding my blog is personally helping me. . . but I'm not a recovering addict, and only you can determine what is a tempting behavior. I hope you keep blogging mostly because I like reading it and I learn from it! It helps me to be more understanding of my husband.
I am not into chatting because I like my husband to see what I talk about especially because of the nature of the topic. Blog writing/commenting is an easy and public way to do that. But maybe other people will express interest, specifically other men. A forum would be cool, but I already visit one that I frequently read and sometimes write on.
Hope my input helps. Keep going; wanting to change is a great step towards recovery.
You bring up an interesting point about creating an online community geared toward pornography addiction. There seems to be quite a number of communities out there, but most are Christian denominated. I have found the forum at no-porn.com to be very helpful.
I think the key to creating a community is to focus on a niche. There are no Jewish forums out there for pornography addicts, so perhaps that would be a good approach. I have been thinking along the sames lines as you and have considered making a forum. I tend to think that this is a pretty good idea and would consider investing time and effort into developing an online community. I have programming and web skills and would be able to do this myself, but at this point I don't want to undertake a solitary effort. I am willing to discuss the idea of creating a forum with you further. Perhaps it is a good idea, perhaps not, just throwing the idea back at you.
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