Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Porn Addiction Self-Help 3

Today I've cleaned my apartment from porn. It was not easy. Not like to delete movies from a hard disk - I've done it several times. These were video cassettes and magazines. An old collection.

I took cassettes one by one, upside down, for not to see a title. I disassembled a cassettes and cut the tapes by knife. Without to see the titles. It was almost like to say "good bye" to the girls, whom I used to know very well. Then I took covers of cassettes, also upside down and teared them too. It was not act of aggression or anger. I just wanted to eliminate the possibility that somebody can find undamaged porn video cassette in a garbage.

Then I've put a piece of cloth on my eyes and teared all magazines into a dark nylon bag. Without to see them girls. Then I've closed the bag.

All above was 100 times emotionally harder task than to delete porn files from the hard disk. I've took 2 separate nylon bags to the garbage container outside an apartment.

I've done all this without to see them. I've knew, that a relapse was very close. But I've survived this morning.

6 comments:

Matt said...

Hey...I saw your comment on my own blog, and wanted to say thanks for reading. You're right that there is a difference between deleting the files on your computer and physical pornography...but at the same time, when it's all said and done...it feels so much more cleansing and theraputic. I hope you had that same feeling. May I also suggest, if you are at all a spiritual person, to be sure to include God in the equation? As humans I feel we can only accomplish so much, because there is so much in our lives that is out of our hands...and I feel it helps to have faith that there is a higher power in control, watching over me. Also, while I understand your fear of group therapy, it does help to find at least one person to talk about the problem one on one once in awhile!

BTW...I've included a link to your blog on my own...feel free to do the same for me (http://porn-free-life.blogspot.com/)

Sawblogger said...

Yes, I am a spiritual person. Surprisingly, I went through many strange steps of accepting my oversexuality as a kind of eversexed creature created by God. I went back and forth of allowing myself and stopping myself, been closer to God and been far.

It was very troubled and painful for me, so I keep this issue at some distance from me right now.

I'll post a separate blog entry on the topic of spirituality and religion in connection to my porn addiction struggle.

Just now it is very painful issue and I keep it out of the equation.

Anonymous said...

Keep travelling fellow struggler. One of my most common "lies" to myself is to think, I won't delete/throw away this porn because then I will only later buy/download more. So I am saving time/money by keeping it ...

Sawblogger said...

Yes, I understand your position and this was also my position from time to time. Thank you for comment.

Bioship_Pal said...

keep up the good work, man. I'm also facing the same problem as yours. And your blog really inspiring me..

Sawblogger said...

Hi Bioship. Thanks for your comment. Keep trying and you will find your way out.