Thursday, July 26, 2007

I put myself into a corner

What next in improving situation around me? My marriage? My boring wife?

As I've understood it just today - I put myself into a corner. I am a son of divorced parents. And I promised to myself not to divorce no matter what – for not to do it to my kids. But today I even don't want sex with my wife!!!!!! So, where is sexual energy goes? Porn is actually my escape from this dead-end situation.

On the other hand, I was always vulnerable to porn. From the early childhood (when I was not married to my boring wife!). So, what's going on here? Am I trying to fool myself? To blame my boring wife? Should I have to try to improve our marriage? I am trying and actually improved it greatly, kids and households issues work very well. But our souls, our talk, our sex (if any) – we are not in sync. My feeling is that I am wasting my life.

Maybe your situation is different.

Thanks for visiting and reading my blog. Please leave a comment, but not moralistic one. Something you believe relates to me, but not just plain moralistic brainwashing.


Sawblogger said...


This is a good example how I talk and behave under the influence of withdrawal symptoms. I was very nervous. It is written in a rough language, but the content and meaning still apply even today (I am in the middle of cycle and feel “Normal”).

Sadly to say, it is my situation today. I also apologize before women (wives of porn addicts) who read my blog. But I don't want to do a censorship to myself, to censor the stuff written in my nervous state of withdrawal.

choose me. . . . love me said...

Oh, wow, what a post. And of course I am coming from a wife's point of view.
However, I'll give you some things to think about.

Do you think your wife is boring because your brain is still altered from the chemical changes/pops? From an outsiders point of view, I would say so.

What first attracted you to your wife? You didn't always find her boring did you?

Do you think that your porn use has given you unrealistic expectations of sex? In other words, there is probably no one in the world that could match up to your fantasies in your head.No one real can match up to that.

Porn is easier because real life and real relationships take work. Are you lazy? (not an accusation).

Think about your wife. From what I can tell, she still hasn't left YOU. That's called love. Love isn't selfish. She obviously loves you because she stayed.

Change your perspective. Think about how you could please her even in ways that are unrelated to sex, instead of how she can please you. The results may surprise you in a good way. Leaving her would be betraying her AGAIN. She needs some time to heal her hurt.

I think you could be suffering from something else I've heard of. You are giving up porn for your wife so now you want her to spice it up and be your hot everything. Are you trying to turn her into your fantasy?

Sounds to me like your wife could be your best ally here. Find out her love language (does she like having time with you, acts of service, gifts, words of affirmation, or physical touch?). Turn the focus off yourself. Focus on her. It's working for my husband!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please don't censor your blog. The wives I've met here in blogworld are some of the strongest women I have come across, and I think they would agree with me when I say we are just happy to see men that want to recover! Please don't give up on your marriage too soon.