Sunday, July 15, 2007

What works for me ...

Book is over, excitement and motivation goes down ... damn relapses come. I am not so stable as in days of reading/working with the book. Today I have time/situation that allow me to summarize my thoughts and experience.

Yes, I have a lot of tools today to improve my life and situation around me. But I have no tools for "craving", strong desire, it hits me from time to time. The craving is so strong, so, so strong!!!!

So, what works for me?

I have to be extremely busy !!! No spare time !! I visited "Economy & Ecology" course weekly, I had 2-3 books handy, I took seven shifts per week on my new job, squeezing them so I had one and half free day per week (but tired like hell). And all these are away from computer. I called my 3-4 friends almost everyday. Of course, I called my wife even more. I got back to my hobby of sculpture. I was very busy most of the week and very tired in my minimal spare time. And all this was able to keep me on the 9 days clean - 10th day relapse (no more!)

I became extremely tired of this schedule and made corrections to sleep more, to rest more - six shifts per week and less nights. Cravings (and relapses) popped up instantly.

Another thing that helped was the "openness" with close friends (I told my wife the whole story long before, thanks God). Actually, all of my close friends (and wife), know today about my problem and involved into some degree of discussion. One of them even asks me by phone almost everyday - how is it going with addiction? You can't imagine how helpful it feels when you can openly tell/discuss this with close friends!! No more barriers, no more strange explanations. You know - everyone of my friends told me in exchange about his own addiction or bad habit and how he fights it.

These were things that worked (and work) for me. Hope some of you can use or recommend it to others. See you again. My next post will be about another book in this field and how it complements my understanding today.

4 comments:

Steve said...

SawBlogger:
I thought I'd just leave a comment. I'm trying to recover too. Had a dry spell for 3 years but relapsed stronger than b4. My wife is very encouraging, reminding me to rely on the LORD. A common refrain I've heard for recovery is to combat the lies with the truth by studying and reading God's Word. Have you read anything by Joshua Harris like Not Even A Hint? What books are you reading now?

steve

Sarah said...

Hi there,

This is the first time I have read your blog, so I'm still a little behind. But, about this particular post I just want to say...Woohoo!! Kudos to you on you honesty and openness with your "real" friends. I know this will help you more than just about anything else could.

I've been meaning to update "the community" on my blog for a few weeks now. When I do, I'll be sure to add you.

S

Sawblogger said...

Hi Steve. Thanks for your comment. I am reading now Dr. Skinner's book "Treating Pornography Addiction" - link on the right side.

The religion doesn't help me here. I tried hard to allow myself to be "oversexed" as I call it, to allow myself to have high sexual drive, to say myself that it's OK to see porn, to masturbate.

Probably religion and morale issues are stronger than me. I can't feel that it's OK.

But I am trapped here, so I exclude any religious issues from this situation. I try to work on this problem accordingly to books, research, psychologists, anything that my engineer's brain can understand.

choose me. . . . love me said...

I agree with Sarah; I am so glad you are being open with real life people, especially your wife.
Oh, and I'm not into religion either. I like to think of it as a relationship I have with Christ. The God I know is forgiving. He knows I'm not perfect and that is why He is God and I am not!
But I won't preach at you, I promise. And, I would like to say again, thank you for realizing that porn is no good! Keep doing your reading.