Sunday, July 29, 2007

My porn addiction weekly cycle

I clearly observe a kind of weekly cycle in my porn addiction:

1-st to 6-th day. I feel and behave like a "Normal Man". Very busy. 6 shifts per week. I can read books on my job. So I do. A new book almost each week. 1-2 evening lectures in Sociology field every week. I can use my laptop on some shifts as well (no porn at work). 4-6 hours of sculpture (hobby) every week. Household and kids issues and interactions.

At the end of 6-th day the craving for porn builds up to very high level.

7-th day. I give up and see porn for 6 hours. Then, the rest of the day I feel guilty and upset.

Sometimes I try to stay away from porn 9-10 days. What happens then? I pass 6-th day, just busing myself with sculpture or visiting friends. 7-th and 8-th days I am very nervous and can't concentrate (withdrawal symptoms). 9-th day. I give up. Then, as usual I feel upset.

See you again. Please leave your comments and questions. My next post will be about hypnosis or self-hypnosis.

3 comments:

choose me. . . . love me said...

At least you are aware of the cycle. That's a start. Staying busy is good. Think about the shame that comes afterwards. It might feel good for a moment, but a moment is shorter that the guilt that will last longer and the feelings of failure.
Let me share an excerpt with you from a former porn star, maybe you've read this quote before, I don't know. It is a bit graphic so you don't have to approve this comment if you prefer not to, but it does show that porn isn't as fun or as real as it seems:

"Porn is Not Glamorous.

Excerpt below from Shelley Lubben's upcoming book "The Truth Behind the Fantasy of Porn":

Many believe the widespread fairytale that women enjoy making porn movies but in reality there are no happy endings for the women of porn. Women do NOT enjoy making porn movies and a closer behind-the-scenes look will show you several reasons why.

In the world of hardcore sex, an average day on the set for a porn actress is a long and tedious process. Women are told to come in around 8 am for makeup but it's only to make sure porn actresses arrive on time to work. Porn stars have a habit of arriving late because they're often hung over from drugs or alcohol from the night before.

After make up, porn actresses usually wait around long hours until it's their turn to do their scene. Some scenes take an hour and some take several hours to film. It really depends if the male actor in the first scene could "perform" or not. It also depends if female actresses have to stop the clock because they can't handle the pain of a hardcore sex scene.

While waiting around, jaded porn performers usually end up in the rest rooms with bottles of alcohol and lines of speed or outside in their cars for a heroin fix or gathered in the back yard with other actors to smoke marijuana.

To add to the mind-numbing process, women are never able to experience sexual pleasure because of the continuous cutting during sex scenes. In the background the director constantly yells, "cut" and the flow of action is interrupted in order to get a better shot, adjust lighting or to wipe up bodily fluids. Repeatedly pornographers stop the scenes and ask actors to "freeze" in position during very hardcore sex acts, which causes great physical and emotional pain for porn actresses.

I speak from personal experience when I say to be in the middle of a hardcore sex act with several actors at the same time and told to "freeze" in position for several minutes while lighting or cameras are adjusted is extremely painful and degrading. It's also very humiliating when scenes are stopped in order to wipe up bodily fluids such as semen, feces and blood.

Despite the fact that women do not enjoy making porn movies, they continue to lie to their fans and proudly insist they enjoy making porn movies. Of course they do. They get paid hundreds and thousands of dollars to lie because this is their occupation. Porn stars are paid professional liars who know how to "act" and they do it well. In fact, because porn stars spend a great deal time in front of the camera and never step out of character, they usually have greater acting abilities than mainstream Hollywood actors.

I used to brag endlessly to fans and pornographers about my extreme "Italian" sex drive and how I loved making porn movies. I would go on and on about how I needed more and more to fulfill my insatiable appetite. I lied 100% of the time to 100% of the people. Lying is the native language of porn stars because they can't afford to tell you the truth. Not only would it ruin the fantasy for their fans but more importantly, it would ruin the amount of their paychecks. Don't believe porn actresses when they proudly proclaim they enjoy making porn movies. They're ACTING.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for Shelley Lubben's exerpt.
I need to hear it that porn is lieing and acting. And I need to know and be reminded of the Truth.

steve again

Torah and Internet Addiction said...

Hey, just wanted to stop by and leave a comment.

I think the "day count" and its role in recovery is perhaps the most basic metric we are accustomed to measuring. When I first attempted to quit, I became almost obsessive with my day count. Perhaps it pays to deemphasize your counts just a little bit to relieve some of the pressure. I still think the count is really important and is certainly the most fundamental indicator of our recovery progress.

I also think that many of us erect artificial barriers to recovery by telling ourselves we can't get past 1 week or 1 month or whatever time period we use. Often this becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

Thanks for sharing!